So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
