I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
