hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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