can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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