You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
