i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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