i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
two words...techno handjob
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
