Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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