either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
