There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
