i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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