would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
