Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
