I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
