I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
