remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
