I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
