did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
