I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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