I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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