just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
