So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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