and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
