I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
