i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
false alarm, still single
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