Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
