You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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