oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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