so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
