I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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