that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
