I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
