How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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