Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
