jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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