someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
