If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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