i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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