RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
