The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
