im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
