Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
