I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
