He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
