when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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