I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
