The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you inspire me to be a worse person
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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