I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
