If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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