her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
