oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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