I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
