Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
