dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
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