Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
