i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
