he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
That's intense
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
