Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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