Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
