I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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