i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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