It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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