Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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