I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
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You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
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That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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