I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
